Boyfriends and Other Women
The following are actual questions from real women who have concerns about their boyfriends and other women.
My boyfriend works in an office with some really beautiful women. I can’t imagine why he hasn’t fallen for one of them. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. He knows I’m uncomfortable with it but I have never actually told him. Should I just tell him to quit if we are going to have any chance at all?
The surest way to drive him away is to insist he quit his job, or show any insecurity because of his work. Before jumping to conclusions, have you asked yourself some reasonable questions first? Why is he going out with you if these women he works with are so attractive? Chances are he has already considered them, and concluded that none of them are right for him.
You can’t keep your man from being around other women. If your boyfriend working with other women is too much for you to handle, it’s okay for you to end your relationship, but don’t make him feel like it’s because he did something wrong.
The best approach is always to have self-confidence and self-respect. If he is going to grow in love with you, it will be because he loves you. And I guarantee you will be more attractive to him by not displaying jealousy or any other behaviors rooted in fear of losing him to another woman. If he does break it off with you because he wants to be with another woman, that’s ultimately better for you, though painful now. Don’t increase your chance of losing him with your fears, or by purposely driving him away.
Have confidence in yourself and inject positive energy in your relationship. Forget about other women. If he starts smelling like perfume that you don’t wear, than have a talk with him. Until then, build love in your relationship, not fear.
I’m happily dating a guy I met online. I have taken down my profile, but he hasn’t. I don’t like it that his profile still shows up for other members. But I’m afraid if I bring it up, he’s going to be turned off and stop seeing me. Do you have any suggestions how to handle this?
First thing’s first…don’t panic! Many members forget to change their status. There is no reason to believe he is playing the field just because his profile is still active.
Here are a couple questions for you. How do you know his profile is still up? My guess is someone else you know has informed you that he is still on the site. But I have known people in similar situations who chose to stalk the person they are seeing, logging back onto their account just to spy. If that is how you know, I discourage this strongly. Spying and stalking is not a good way to develop a healthy relationship or sincere love.
Secondly, how long have you been seeing this man? I firmly believe that until a couple has mutually acknowledged they are exclusive, they are each free to see other people. This includes keeping an active online profile, as well as meeting others in person. It should only take a couple of months to know if you are going to be exclusive.
Assuming your relationship is exclusive, then you need to share your concern with him and see what he says. But please…have a mature, adult conversation that has no accusatory tone. If you sound accusatory, he will get turned off, and rightly so. That will mean an otherwise good relationship is ended because of exaggerated suspicion and immature reaction.
Presented the right way, he will likely happily deactivate his profile based on your bringing it up. If he acts guilty and awkward and won’t deactivate the profile, then you have good reason to consider ending the relationship.
I am in a serious relationship with a man I met six months ago. He is still checking out other women when we are out together. I can’t tell you how much it bothers me. I put up with it initially, but find it ridiculous now. It makes me feel like he really doesn’t want to be with me and that I’m not special. Should I just let it go or bring it up with him?
Um…yes, bring it up with him right away, and no, don’t let it go. You’re right, it’s ridiculous and men should know better. Many say that men do it because they can’t help it, they’re “wired” that way, etc. Maybe so. But resisting that temptation is in the best interest of him as well as you, and is common decency. Also, a man who is checking out other women is keeping his options open.
My advice is to break up with him and move on. You deserve better. A decent man will not do such a thing, even if he’s thinking of it or tempted not to resist it. God willing, you will find a man who has no interest in looking at another woman in any way, let alone in such a objectifying way.
