I sent my six-year-old daughter to deliver some lemons and oranges from our yard to the widow next door. Worried that she might rudely deliver the fruit and leave without a word, I called to her, “Don’t forget to say, ‘You’re welcome.’” When my daughter returned, she gave me the full report: “I rang the […]
It’s what makes you, unconsciously, rock back and forth, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, cradling your little baby, while waiting in the one out of 32 currently open grocery store lanes. It’s what lets you ease your minivan onto the highway at the precise merging speed while refereeing a third row […]
Why I do this? Last time I did, it took my husband two weeks to get me out of the laundry room corner. Why do I torture my fragile ego with magazine articles which ultimately make me feel domestically inadequate? The latest culprit? “Bedroom Design Don’ts: Ten typical mistakes people make when designing a bedroom”. […]
When my daughter was about four, I was telling her that while we were in church everyone needs to be extra quiet. When we are, Jesus can talk to us in our hearts. And if we are quiet, we can hear Him. She said, “Okay, Mommy,” and about a minute later she said, “Oh Mommy, I hear him.” […]
I was riding the ski lift with one of my pupils, a little girl of roughly seven years. She could not keep her eyes off me. I thought it was really sweet, having a crush on her teacher, as it were. When we reached the top and the ski lift stopped, she finally spoke to […]
Who are these people and what have they done with my real parents? My real parents swore they needed a 2600 square foot house and five acres of mountain land for just the two of them because they like their space and privacy. Their impostors sold the house and bought a 1300 square foot South […]
I am attempting to stay up-to-date with the latest advances in bathroom technology, but every time I use the ladies room it is a whole new learning curve. What do I mean exactly? Some places have automatic faucets that turn on when your hands line up within the precise perimeters and a warm spray douses […]
I sit here amongst a discombobulating array of items that all beckon my attention. Butz, the bird annihilator has bagged the catch of the day and the remains lie strewn all over the front room. I have already performed the grisly task of dislodging bird pieces from the table and now feathers which used to […]
There are times when I dream of a simple life on the prairie with a family, a horse, a dog, a fiddle and a house with a wood-burning stove. And this particular Friday night before Christmas was one of those times. Daughter #2 had an annual Christmas slumber party with some old homeschooling friends, and […]
We flew straight from Sweet Briar to London for Kate and Will’s wedding. I’m so glad I saved my garter — it was perfect for her! Speaking of perfect, what a grand excuse to hold Johnny’s 12th birthday at the London Zoo! Camilla graciously offered us her estate for the party but Johnny thought that […]
You know the one. It arrives the day after Thanksgiving. The envelope is double foil lined, the picture of the kids resembles a Gap ad, and the Holiday Letter comes with a warning: Caution! May cause blurred vision, severe feelings of gross inadequacies and nausea. Do not drive motor vehicle or operate heavy machinery while […]
Blame it on another quirky “holiday” – in case you missed it, “Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day” was November 15th. All I know is one minute I was praying to the light at the rear of the dark tunnel for dinner inspiration and the next minute I was waist deep in seven half-empty mustard jars. […]
If her unrealistic body proportions weren’t enough of a controversy and reason for parental and feminist outrage, now Barbie has tattoos. Hang on–before you think Tattoo Barbie is going to be your daughter’s Must Have or Die Christmas Gift, don’t. Only 7,400 dolls were made and they’ve already been swooped up by “collectors”. And by […]
Why do I act shocked every time the stores pull out the Christmas merchandise before I’ve purchased Halloween candy (which has been sharing shelf space with the Back to School supplies since August)? Why do I let it gross me out year after year? I know it’s going to happen. But still…. I wandered into […]
While loitering in a parking lot this past Sunday morning waiting for a store to open, I watched as car after car arrived at the local sports bar. Humans clad in red shirts with white numbers or white shirts with red numbers piled out and headed inside. Sports aficionado’s will immediately recognize those colors and […]
“Hey Ruth, your hair looks so cute!” Fiddling with her headband, Ruth’s weak, “Thanks.” sounded more like an apology. “I’m letting my bangs grow out so now this is about the only way I can wear it.” Five genuinely empathetic female heads turned towards Ruth to offer a combination of condolences, encouragement and hair taming […]
What is it with women’s curiosity to know what’s in a celebrity’s purse? You know that feature found in the back of magazines — like some reward we get for reaching the last page: “We caught up with Brooke Shields and convinced her to ‘Spill it all’ for us!” Then we get to be shocked […]
The Sacramental Soldier had died. My eight-year-old nephew. He was the second of my sister Peggy’s precious four children. Peggy is the fourth child in our family and I am her older sister and the oldest of our parents’ ten children. I have eight little sisters and one little brother. I used to tease my […]
Oh, look: Another study conducted on what the undervalued, average American Housewife/ Full Time Mom would earn if she actually received an annual salary. Oh, look: More bank executives getting paid millions of dollars to not work. That’s right, Bank of America just fired Sallie Krawcheck, (now former) president of wealth and investment management and […]
Over the years I’ve shared many an undergarment adventure–from the Invisible Underwear investigation to the Perfect Panty my niece insisted I buy (yes I still talk to her). Finally, it appears my quest for THE brand has ended. And you know me, I’ve even found where to buy them at a discount. I mean please, […]
Dear Reader, I have so many friends whose kids are either beginning or ending the orthodontia journey, I found myself revisiting the history of my own daughter’s mouth-capades. After 6 years of having some form of wire contraption glued in my daughter’s mouth (and us living off of mac & cheese, the clouds parted and […]
According to American retailers, dads don’t do much but play with power tools, do yard work, golf and wear socks. If I believe the magazine and newspaper stories I’ve read this past week, dads don’t know how to relate to the children they brought into this world: “How to Bond on Daddy’s Day!” (You have […]
